Two prison inmates who are strippers are hired to spy on a group of sex traffickers. Technically only one of them becomes a real spy and neither wear flowered panties. Cecile is the spy and Brigitte is the one who just has sex with everyone that has one or two or no legs at all. Don’t matter, Brigitte will have sex with whatever. Meanwhile, Cecile is getting closer to the truth of the mysterious fire opal of magical rape hypnosis of doom, but she sometimes gets too busy having sex with a bunch of hippies in some caves. Even more meanwhile, Irina Forbes rolls around all sexy-like on a bed and boy is it hot in here or what?
AKA: Opal of Fire, Merchants of Sex
Director: Jess Franco
Actors: Lina Romay, Nadine Pascal, Joëlle Le Quément
Genre: Softcore Pornesque Action Flick?
Year of Release: 1980
I can count on one hand how many Jess Franco films I have seen. You know what, that ain’t exactly correct. The correct saying would be I can count on one finger how many Jess Franco films I’ve seen. Yes, Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties was my first foray into the wacky, inexperienced, soft-core porn world of Franco. Boy, was I not prepared!
I had high hopes, especially given the name of the film, but I knew I was in trouble once I realised neither girl wears flowered panties, or panties at all to be honest, and only one is a spy. Okay, so maybe the film title was lost in translation, as the movie is also known as Opal of Fire, which makes more sense as it ties into the magical opal ring the sex trafficker uses to hypnotise gorgeous naked women into loving different men (I can’t believe I wrote that).
Another problem we run into when watching Two Female Spies in Yadda Yadda Yadda, is the fact that Franco just isn’t very talented when it comes to the technical side of filmmaking. Numerous issues crop up when watching the flick. We have focusing issues, editing snafus, atrocious dubbing, and the inability to string along a coherent plot. Instead, the only thing we can look forward to is an abundance of nudity, most often when dealing with rape. Sure the women are gorgeous, but I’m sorry if I don’t get a kick out of make-believe rape.
I just can’t wrap my head around what there is to like about the movie. I understand that some enjoyment can be had from the nonsensical scenes that pop up, such as the out-of-nowhere hippies, who are led by a Bob Ross lookalike and are living in a cave. They all take turns having sex with our lead actress Lina Romay, who is more than happy to oblige. As the film tells you, French ladies are sex crazy.
Sure, random scenes of obscurity are fun when in moderation, but Two Female Spies is random scene after random scene, all the way to the ending. And it just feels like forever getting to the much-welcome finish.
I will say one thing, though – Joëlle Le Quément rolling around naked on a bed while rubbing herself in ecstasy was almost worth it…almost.
Two Female Spies is not a violent movie. We have a few fun scenes with Lina Romay being shot at and chased by a helicopter. Other than that, not much violence. Now for the next section…
If I were to list all the sex and nudity in this movie, this section would take up a few pages. The flick inserts a so-called “plot” so that you don’t chafe yourself from all the sex and nudity you’re going to see. There isn’t much in the way of male nudity, save for a hairy butt, but female nudity is through the roof. We have boobs galore, bush galore, lesbians, a female raping a gay guy, even more bush, sexy-ish dance numbers and finally more bush! Man, are my wrists sore…ahh, I mean from writing this review of course! Yes, that will work.
- Joëlle Le Quément
- So much bush!
- I’ll just pretend you’re a boy! Tee-hee!
- Two Cats In The Canaries: An Interview With Director Jess Franco
- Filmmaker Donald Farmer Interviews Longtime Franco Composer Daniel White
- Stephen Thrower on TWO FEMALE SPIES
- Location Out-takes
- Theatrical Trailer
Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties has been restored and presented in HD for the first time all thanks to Severin Films. I can tell you the results are fantastic. Of course, you can only make a Jess Franco film look so good, so kudos to Severin Films for doing their best at making the flick look as good as it does.
As for the audio, you have the English dubbed version, which is awful performance-wise but sounds fine technical-wise. There is a bit of distortion and a few issues crop up, but nothing that takes away from the poorly-made movie experience that Franco produces. Also provided is a French version, which I did not have time to view, but from what I’ve gathered from other reviews out there, it sounds just as good/bad as the English one.
Special features for the Blu-ray are an enjoyable sit down with Stephen Thrower who discusses the film for 28 minutes or so. We also have an old 1993 feature where filmmaker Donald Farmer interviews longtime Franco composer Daniel White. Not to be topped is a 10-minute interview with Jess Franco himself. Sadly he does not apologise. Lastly, we have roughly 8 minutes of outtakes and a trailer.
Special note: First 3000 With Bonus DVD Of Alternate Spanish Version!