D) Run deeper into the woods, hoping you find another campsite.

Choice 3

You definitely don’t want to run in the direction the axe came from, so you make a 90 degree turn and run farther into the blackness of the forest. Tree branches whip you in the face, but you’re not worried about that; it can’t be worse than your acne, anyway. You can hear someone crunching on the leaves behind you, and were you not running for your life, you might enjoy the pleasures of this sound in much the same way as a YouTube star whispering to you in an ASMR video. No – you can’t sleep now; someone who hefted a goddam axe at your head is stalking you.

You stumble and fall and think about all of the times you’ve seen idiots in horror movies do the same thing. You’re about to take out some aggression on the rock that tripped you when you realize that you’ve fallen over two bodies, lying eviscerated and naked in the woods. Aww! you think, that’s adorable, and possibly very uncleanly for the vagina. You also begin to feel that nagging self-consciousness because both of them are bangin’ even in death. You see that they’re laying next to a hollowed-out log and you think you can probably squeeze in there to hide from the lumbering giant behind you. But you’ll probably get love juice and guts all over you in doing so. You turn around and notice that there’s a boathouse about half a mile through the forest.