Who hasn’t seen a shit-filled ass before? You decide that you’ll brave the embarrassment rather than be dead, so you head back to the other counselors. Also, it will help if they scatter like sheep to help give you a chance at safety. You notice that one of them is sitting with a rifle across his lap at the campfire.

“Tommy?” you ask incredulously.

“That’s my name,” he says, affecting a John Wayne drawl for some reason. “What’s going on here?”

“There’s a fucking killer behind me!” I blurt.

“I can see that. I’m talking about the shit caked all over you.” He looks over your shoulder and cocks his rifle. “I’ve dealt with this one before, and I’ll do it again.”

The rest of the camp counselors scatter, you think because the man keeps getting closer. “Jesus Christ it smells awful,” you hear one guy exclaim before he’s running through the woods. Tommy blasts the killer with his rifle and it stops him dead in his tracks. Then, he starts moving again. Still, you feel pretty confident now; it’s Tommy fucking Jarvis.

The hockey-masked man is now on top of us, and you look at Tommy. “What do we do now?” you ask him.

It’s too late, though; the killer has already gripped Tommy by the neck, and he proceeds to bring him to a tree before slamming his head again and again into the trunk. Now it’s no longer Tommy Jarvis; it’s Tommy Jar-Full-of-Organs. The man turns back to you and you notice that he’s pulled Tommy’s spine right out of his body. This is some next level shit you’ve never even seen on Rotten.com.

It’s not every day that someone is beaten to death with another person’s spinal column. You decide that enough’s enough. You put in moderate effort to escape, and even Tommy Jarvis couldn’t do anything to this murderous man. You’re going to let the killer have his way with you, hoping that someday an investigator will put your death by spine in the Guinness Book of World Records.