No way are you contracting whatever horrific STDs might be crawling through these two. You decide that it’s worth the risk to run to the boathouse; at least you might be able to put some distance between you and this crazed maniac. You sprint the rest of the way, your knees yelling at you to cut the shit at every small hill. Eventually you make it to the boathouse and turn around to find no one behind you; the masked man has disappeared. Awesome, you think; he has a lower attention span than I do.

In the boathouse you find a small metal boat with an outboard motor, and some idiot left this thing unlocked and primed for the taking. You start the boat up and floor it, immediately crashing into the wooden boathouse walls. At that moment you realize you fucked up, and probably should have paid attention in boating classes. Still, after trying to start the boat a couple more times it finally cooperates, and you more safely navigate out onto Diamond Lagoon. But where do you go from here?

Across the lake you can see the neon glow of strobe lights and hear dance music and people vomiting; it sounds like paradise. You begin to make your way to the opposite side of the lake, newly hopeful for your outlook on life and hoping that there’s potentially a hit of MDMA in store for you at the end of the night. But you hear the sound of water crashing against the side of the boat. Your water craft now becomes a flying vehicle because you are soaring through the air. Too late you realize that the masked man has somehow managed to get under the boat like fucking Jaws and propel you into the sky.

You crash down into the water, but the landing is hard and you bounce out of the boat. You feel something tugging at you in the water; then you find your face getting pressed closer and closer to the boat’s propeller blades. Before your face becomes ground beef, you hear in the distance from the dance camp, “I can’t believe she filled BOTH holes!”