Here at Cultsploitation, we’ve done a lot of Friday the 13th specials. We’ve pitted all of the films against each other, we’ve showcased all of the nudity throughout the series, we’ve looked at how terrible Jason Goes to Hell is. So today is a bit of a different beast – we’re hosting a choose your own adventure set in the Friday the 13th universe. We hope you like this unique take on the film series because it took us a long fucking time to write it.

Choice 1

Due to a mix-up in the application process, you’ve been assigned outdoor counselor duty at Camp Diamond Lagoon instead of dancing instructor at the much cooler summer camp across the lake. You fear that you’re missing out on all of the fun synth jams your friends will be grooving to, but the camp committee has already warned that they’ll take you to court if you show up at the president’s house again with your boombox. You’ll just have to make the best of it by bringing your skimpiest bathing suit and hoping someone sexy also got the short end of the stick.

When you get to Camp Diamond Lagoon, you notice that your check engine light has come on. Not one to worry about cars, you take your things to a small cabin near the lake away from all the others, hoping that if you do hook up, it’ll be far enough away from sniveling kids that you won’t need to worry about someone walking in and seeing your pale white ass. As you exit the cobwebbed cabin, you see a movement in the large swath of trees behind the cabin. You creep closer, peering into the brush. There’s definitely somebody in there watching you, but they might be a lost hiker.